I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
