They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
