You're earring is so big in my mouth
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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