why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
