If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
