I'd wear matching sweaters with you
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just tell him i said nine months
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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