He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
40s are totally the cure
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
