just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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