You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
