I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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