Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
