I'm really into asian looking animals
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
