ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
