At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
