JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
