I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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