What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
