I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
