so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
