I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
