the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
