i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
