We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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