The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
