i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
