that's an acceptable place to lick
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
