Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
