I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
