So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
