she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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