This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
