he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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