At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
