Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Semen is not good for contacts.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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