If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
