he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I believe in your delicious
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
