I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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