They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
