Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
