she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
