A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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