Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
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