I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
