You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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