so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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