oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
