Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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