low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You dont lie about slip and slides
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
