Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
