Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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